Disconnected

 

“We demand too much of life, too little of ourselves”

-Christopher Lasch, The Culture of Narcissism: An American Life in an Age of Diminishing Expectations.

I suppose every older generation worries about the younger one.  Certainly, my baby boomer generation was of great concern to our parents, our teachers and coaches, law enforcement, the government and business leaders facing the daunting challenge of employing these young rebels.  

Looking back, I think we were just at the beginning of the unraveling, the great disconnect.  Two world wars, industrialization and mobility had already chipped away at the connections of place and kinship. Radio, movies and television opened eyes and ears in ways that would have been unimaginable to our ancestors.  Higher education prompted us to question our values, challenge authorities and proceed to seriously doubt their motives as well as the promises they had made to us.

Then we sort of got over it, took our place at the wheel, started making money and got very comfortable. Certainly not all of us, there are plenty of broken people and shattered dreams among aging baby boomers.  And most of us were late getting back to the values and lessons we had rejected in our youth. While we indeed may have been late in returning to those “values and lessons”, they were there.  They were in our head and in our heart.  There was a foundation, overgrown and neglected perhaps, but still there.  We might not have been able to go home again, but we remembered what it was like and why it mattered.

That was then, this is now and everything has changed. Much has been said and written about the impact of political extremism, the failure of our educational institutions, inflation, the ever-increasing gap between the rich and the poor, the bane of social media, the failure of the church, unchecked immigration, inequalities, injustice and more “isms” to fret about every day.  All these things have contributed in significant ways to the angst, anger, frustration and ultimately, the nihilism of so many young people.

But I think there is a larger underlying problem, and it did not just happen overnight.  There is a reason why these social, cultural, political, technological and economic challenges are having such negative effects on young people.  And that reason is the lack of positive, meaningful connections with other people, people who are actually part of their lives not some photoshopped stranger on their smartphone.

In almost every area of their lives younger generations are missing the connections that benefited so many of us baby boomers.  The connections weren’t perfect and some benefited more than others, but overall, we were more personally connected back then.  More of us grew up in two parent households. Most of  had siblings around, some even in the same bedroom.  We tended to live closer to grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins.  We went to church more regularly even if we didn’t want to go.  More of us attended smaller schools where there were not hundreds or even thousands of kids in our graduating class.  We were more likely to be around other kids in the neighborhood, free to wander and play and fall down.  We even learned the word no and suffered the consequences of disobedience at home or at school.  Sometimes we were made to feel bad or sad or angry, but there always seemed to be someone there to give us a hug.  We weren’t always happy or entertained and learned to live with that reality.  We even discovered early on and accepted that life is not fair.

As a society we must make some changes.  Young people need connections beyond just sharing grievances and bad ideas with other disconnected young people online.  They need families and friends who have families.  They need more discipline and even more love.  They need to be taught how to fly on their own and take responsibility even when it’s difficult or inconvenient.  They need more physical activity and less sugar.  Read books, book in hand and turning the pages. Learn to write in cursive, memorize poems and scripture and words of wisdom.  Learn to speak clearly and look people in the eye.  Think less of themselves and more of others treating them as they themselves would wish to be treated.  Listen more than talk.  Pay attention.  Accept that life is hard and at some point, they will endure pain and suffering.  Believe there is something more and better beyond this short life that we must live now in these bodies on this planet.  Always be thankful, don’t make excuses and never give up.  And stay connected...to real people.